All The Tweets
- Feb 12, 2023, 9:26 PM
- Feb 12, 2023, 9:24 PM
- Feb 11, 2023, 3:54 AM(17 mentions)
- Feb 10, 2023, 5:50 AM(7 mentions)
- Jan 21, 2023, 3:36 AM(1 mention)
- Jan 15, 2023, 9:05 AM(2 mentions)
- Jan 12, 2023, 5:32 AM(36 mentions)
The problem with naming your company this, is that when you do a layoff, it sounds like the reporter is doing jokey Shakespeare voice at a really inappropriate time. Forsooth!
- Jan 7, 2023, 10:28 PM(17 mentions)
The Verge is out here live-blogging a web page error, for all their digital native readers who have never seen such a thing before.
- Jan 7, 2023, 7:43 AM(5 mentions)
- Jan 2, 2023, 3:34 AM(10 mentions)
I finally got webmentions for my site working for Mastodon this afternoon.
(Please read this toot the same way that Crow T. Robot says “Made my own blender mayonnaise last night.”)
- Jan 1, 2023, 11:02 PM(13 mentions)
- Dec 19, 2022, 11:01 PM(15 mentions)
- Dec 19, 2022, 11:22 AM(12 mentions)
- Dec 11, 2022, 7:23 AM(7 mentions)
- Dec 10, 2022, 8:34 PM(1 mention)
- Nov 28, 2022, 4:05 AM(3 mentions)
- Nov 22, 2022, 4:29 AM(1 mention)
- Nov 22, 2022, 12:54 AM(2 mentions)
With every new platform comes special kinds of awkwardness; today on Mastodon a long-dead colleague followed me, because I migrated to a different instance.
- Nov 20, 2022, 11:21 PM(5 mentions)
- Nov 19, 2022, 10:41 PM
- Nov 19, 2022, 2:30 AM
Of course, during these troubled times on the hellsite, my old nemesis sees an opening to strike. https://westseattleblog.com/2022/11/from-the-wsb-holiday-guide-1-week-until-christmas-ship-arrives-in-west-seattle-waters/
- Nov 18, 2022, 5:48 AM(2 mentions)
- Nov 18, 2022, 5:15 AM(4 mentions)
- Nov 18, 2022, 4:35 AM(3 mentions)
- Nov 17, 2022, 9:46 PM(11 mentions)
The dude apparently wants to compensate exceptional performance with exceptional amounts of stock, but…he just took it private? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
- Nov 15, 2022, 7:10 AM
- Nov 14, 2022, 7:17 PM(11 mentions)
- Nov 11, 2022, 7:31 AM(36 mentions)
When I read that the dude wants to turn Twitter into a bank, I discovered that I did not have enough laughter for the comedy at hand. It was like trying to drink the ocean. Like schadenfreude had given way to an out of body experience. Like bad ideas distilled into mescaline.
- Nov 7, 2022, 3:29 AM(4 mentions)
Best part of trick or treating this year was the kids yelling “It’s Subwoolfer!! Awesome!!!” and running up to this house.
- Nov 7, 2022, 3:16 AM(6 mentions)
The curse of the social media integration engineer is that you can only test in production, so you’ve got to come up with interesting things to say, over and over again, until your code works. And then hope you still have friends
- Nov 7, 2022, 2:51 AM(1 mention)
Gwen started a video game that asked her to type in a name for her character.
Fifteen minutes later I realized she picked “Galaxy Everheart.”
- Nov 6, 2022, 12:02 AM(8 mentions)
- Oct 27, 2022, 5:11 AM(3 mentions)
People on Twitter are currently making Ye/Crocs jokes at a steady rate of 7 per hour. I am monitoring the situation as it develops.
- Oct 2, 2022, 7:00 AM(4 mentions)
- Sep 27, 2022, 5:59 PM(6 mentions)
Travel tip: you can learn a lot about a city’s “vibe” by visiting the historic queer neighborhood, of the airport
- Sep 25, 2022, 7:31 PM(13 mentions)
Had to take the cat to urgent care, ended up in the strip mall by where I grew up. Currently composing a mournful country song about how the Petco is now a Pet Pros and the Shari’s is now a Wendy’s.
- Sep 18, 2022, 6:32 AM(5 mentions)
- Sep 18, 2022, 1:47 AM(9 mentions)
My mom: Saw two crows kill a rat the other day.
Me: did they eat it? Or just kill it?
Mom: they ate part of it.
Gwen, cheerfully: Rats are full of nutrients! - Sep 16, 2022, 4:38 AM(2 mentions)
- Sep 12, 2022, 2:09 AM(5 mentions)
The phrase “welfare queen” hits different when you realize that the government doled out £100 million every year to the literal Queen.
- Sep 11, 2022, 7:47 AM(4 mentions)
- Sep 9, 2022, 5:18 AM(2 mentions)
- Sep 9, 2022, 3:24 AM(2 mentions)
Remember, remember! The 8th of September, when people on Twitter were rude; I know of no reason why the rudeness on Twitter should ever be eschewed.
- Sep 8, 2022, 8:13 AM(1 mention)
- Sep 1, 2022, 2:15 AM(31 mentions)
- Aug 27, 2022, 2:41 AM(2 mentions)
- Aug 25, 2022, 2:56 AM(1 mention)
- Aug 21, 2022, 2:05 AM(5 mentions)
Gwen [playing Mario Kart and muttering]: I ain’t goin out like that
Me: …where did you learn that phrase
G: 🤷♀️ - Aug 12, 2022, 3:35 AM(1 mention)
“Back in 1985, John Norton answered the question that no one had asked.” http://bigchickenhotrods.com/barstool-racers
- Aug 9, 2022, 2:52 AM(4 mentions)
- Jul 12, 2022, 5:34 AM(6 mentions)
- Jul 10, 2022, 2:16 AM(1 mention)
- Jul 9, 2022, 3:41 AM(7 mentions)
- Jul 7, 2022, 2:47 AM(13 mentions)
Parenting pro tip: when you need to tell your 10-year-old that the beloved local punk rock burger joint, where she’s had 95% of her lifetime burgers, is closing down because their landlord is a sack of shit, get a teensy bit drunk first.
- Jun 26, 2022, 10:47 PM(3 mentions)
I don’t really get why everybody is so excited about NewProfilePic? It seems like another massive private harvest of biometrics for very little returned value.
- Jun 22, 2022, 8:40 PM(1 mention)
- Jun 20, 2022, 12:42 AM(15 mentions)
- Jun 15, 2022, 11:31 PM(27 mentions)
People often complain that Slack discussions are hard to follow. I wonder how much of it is due to the fact that we use sloppy English in Slack: sparse capitalization and punctuation, verbal grammar, etc. It’s just physically hard to read.
- May 28, 2022, 3:09 AM
- May 25, 2022, 3:25 AM(8 mentions)
- May 12, 2022, 9:59 PM(35 mentions)
- Apr 30, 2022, 3:22 AM(3 mentions)
[kids are at the piano, each banging out small melodies at the same time]
elspeth: wait play that again
gwen: [plays it again]
e: oh my god are you rick rolling me
g: yes - Apr 27, 2022, 9:56 PM(4 mentions)
- Apr 27, 2022, 4:11 AM(1 mention)
I was today years old when I realized they snuck the original android Human Torch into the first Captain America movie.
- Apr 25, 2022, 7:33 PM(7 mentions)
I think Musk’s prime motivation is in taking it private. He’s run afoul of the SEC so many times for saying zany shit while running a public company; this is a lifestyle upgrade for him.
It’s possible that if he can’t take Tesla private, he steps back from running Tesla.
- Apr 22, 2022, 4:51 AM(12 mentions)
Elspeth: Today in world history class my teacher was like “anybody know what Japanese movie Star Wars is based on”
Me: [waits for it]
Elspeth: And I was like “HIDDEN FORTRESS”
Me: [basks in the state of ultimate triumph]
- Apr 17, 2022, 5:40 PM(6 mentions)
- Apr 16, 2022, 1:52 AM(11 mentions)
- Apr 9, 2022, 4:44 PM(38 mentions)
I’m sure I don’t need to remind anyone of this, but it’s Evan Stoner Day. Please feel free to mark the occasion with the rituals and customs traditional in your culture.
- Mar 22, 2022, 5:10 AM(1 mention)
What the hell? This thing was meant to be 2 B-52’s in a trenchcoat. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conroy_Virtus
- Mar 17, 2022, 2:41 AM(6 mentions)
- Mar 8, 2022, 4:09 AM(3 mentions)
Ukrainian logistics are really…something else. https://twitter.com/AVindman/status/1500937699737362439
- Mar 2, 2022, 5:57 AM(38 mentions)
It’s surprisingly difficult to ask a search engine what types of non-bread loaves there are. For example:
Meat.
Olive.
Cheese.What loaves am I forgetting?
- Feb 19, 2022, 4:53 AM(8 mentions)
tired: glad I went to college before camera phones
wired: glad I was a college radio DJ before they had cameras in the booth
https://thecarletonian.com/2022/02/04/krlx-renovations/
- Feb 10, 2022, 9:11 PM(6 mentions)
“KUOW is bricking car entertainment systems” is a 100% incorrect headline. “Mazda entertainment systems can brick if you listen to the radio” is accurate.
- Feb 10, 2022, 4:47 AM(5 mentions)
But her emails? https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/09/us/politics/national-archives-trump-classified-material.html
- Feb 10, 2022, 3:42 AM(2 mentions)
- Feb 7, 2022, 2:38 AM(6 mentions)
[family birthday dinner, we’ve just finished eating and are about to have dessert]
Gwen: Grammy can you tell us your scat story
- Jan 29, 2022, 2:42 AM(49 mentions)
Apologies, but I have to do a parent brag: my eldest heir just got 100% on her semester final project on the history of non-binary pronouns
- Jan 25, 2022, 6:09 PM(19 mentions)
- Jan 23, 2022, 3:31 AM(1 mention)
I am apparently now the kind of person who owns two kinds of kümmel at the same time. /cc @abandonedbranch
- Jan 20, 2022, 2:23 AM(13 mentions)
I never, ever, in my entire life, thought this story would be brought to the screen. Holy shit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpgAhTP6ElA
- Jan 18, 2022, 5:31 AM(1 mention)
The weirdest thing about Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) is that a character can use a phrase like “the Mothra twins” and that’s not actually specific enough for you to know who they’re talking about.
- Jan 17, 2022, 4:05 AM(5 mentions)
“Play a song for you? Sure, this one is called ‘What Kind of Dumbass Likes Solo Tambourine Music.’ Asshole”
—Mr. Tambourine Man, probably - Jan 15, 2022, 9:30 PM(35 mentions)
- Jan 14, 2022, 5:56 AM(52 mentions)
- Jan 12, 2022, 10:37 PM(10 mentions)
- Jan 11, 2022, 8:42 PM(5 mentions)
This is the first time I’ve seen somebody in person, and then they end up on my money. https://www.usmint.gov/news/press-releases/united-states-mint-begins-shipping-first-american-women-quarters-program-coins
- Jan 10, 2022, 3:55 AM(35 mentions)
- Jan 6, 2022, 9:25 AM(3 mentions)
- Jan 1, 2022, 9:52 PM(1 mention)
I am now willing to recognize one other acceptable Christmas song beside Christmas in Hollis. https://youtu.be/jxtK2757mz4
- Dec 30, 2021, 3:38 AM(22 mentions)
Gwen: in this game I just adopted a dog named Mr. Worldwide but I don’t know what kind it is
Me: …is it a pitbull
G: yes, how did you know that
- Dec 18, 2021, 10:45 PM(3 mentions)
- Dec 17, 2021, 6:10 PM(8 mentions)
Gwen: I was reading the Players Handbook last night
Me:
G: I found out that my halfling can ride on a mastiff
M:
G: they only cost 25 gold pieces
M:
G: can we leave the dungeon for a minute so we can get more rations
M: …and a mastiff
G: yes - Dec 16, 2021, 4:10 PM(10 mentions)
- Dec 16, 2021, 6:48 AM
Fifteen years ago today:
- The power went out for three days
- We found out Laurel was pregnant with Elspeth
- Ten minutes later we got in a literal car chase where I had to hand Laurel my phone and tell her to call 911
- Dec 16, 2021, 5:47 AM(4 mentions)
- Dec 12, 2021, 9:51 PM(20 mentions)
- Dec 10, 2021, 6:20 AM(6 mentions)
Current Gwen status: sobbing that she has doubts whether Santa Claus is real, and thinks maybe there isn’t magic in the world 💔 💔 💔
- Nov 24, 2021, 7:12 AM(1 mention)
- Nov 21, 2021, 11:24 PM(8 mentions)
- Nov 13, 2021, 12:09 AM(7 mentions)
- Nov 12, 2021, 5:00 AM(3 mentions)
In further evidence of the War on the War on Christmas, the Christmas Ships will not be coming to my neighborhood this year, so you will be spared the traditional invective and harangues with which I welcome the season.
- Nov 9, 2021, 11:38 PM(3 mentions)
Got my whole family moved from AT&T to Verizon, after many many years as a customer. I feel better about where my money is going.
Also my voicemail works now.
- Nov 7, 2021, 11:55 PM(46 mentions)
- Nov 5, 2021, 5:56 PM(5 mentions)
- Nov 1, 2021, 3:04 AM(16 mentions)
I’m glad to see that, after all these years, there’s still always one single house that gives out Idaho Spuds.
- Nov 1, 2021, 2:47 AM(14 mentions)
- Nov 1, 2021, 1:18 AM(19 mentions)
- Oct 31, 2021, 12:03 AM(4 mentions)
- Oct 25, 2021, 7:43 AM(1 mention)
- Oct 23, 2021, 3:22 AM(5 mentions)
- Oct 16, 2021, 7:05 PM(6 mentions)
Baby spider, next to a cupcake crumb on our cutting board. Taken with the new iPhone macro lens; the spider’s body is less than 1mm long.
- Oct 16, 2021, 3:20 AM(13 mentions)
Gwen: this is weird but I want you to do something
Me: what
Gwen: jump
Me: [jumps]
Gwen: I’ve never seen you do that before
Me: was it basically like you expected
Gwen: I don’t know what I was expecting
- Sep 28, 2021, 8:24 AM(7 mentions)
those are slices of jello shot cake
that were handed to us by people we didn’t know
at a longshoreman’s bar
and I probably should not have eaten them
but nonetheless here we are
- Sep 24, 2021, 6:21 AM
I have no idea how they pulled off that episode of Ted Lasso. They need to go back and find a way to give Hannah Waddingham a second Emmy.
- Sep 17, 2021, 7:42 PM(2 mentions)
- Sep 17, 2021, 7:08 AM(2 mentions)
Ten points to whoever first successfully identifies my favorite element of the Beard episode of Ted Lasso.
- Sep 15, 2021, 3:14 AM(6 mentions)
Gwen: have I told you about the Kindness Pearl
Me: …no
G: it’s in most of my books
M:
G: it lives inside of the Kindness Clam
M:
G: and if it’s in good hands that’s great, but bad people try to steal it
M: so this is the Infinity Stones in the Gwen Cinematic Universe
G: yep - Sep 8, 2021, 1:32 AM(13 mentions)
- Jul 9, 2021, 1:25 AM
- Jun 30, 2021, 7:02 PM(10 mentions)
I am now receiving emails for Evan Stober, who I imagine is identical to me in every way, except typing competency.
- Jun 28, 2021, 6:46 AM(10 mentions)
- Jun 24, 2021, 2:04 AM(10 mentions)
The best thing about the “Alanis Morissette doesn’t know what ironic means, ha ha” critique:
It implies that the song would be better if it was called “Various Pains in the Ass” or “Here’s Some Stuff That Sucks.”
- Jun 14, 2021, 12:26 AM
- May 26, 2021, 1:44 AM(3 mentions)
Kansas: 🎶…nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky—🎶
[record scratch]
Geologist narrator: well actually, - May 23, 2021, 12:57 AM(9 mentions)
If I don’t see the green fairy within 48 hours of this Moderna dose I am going to be so disappointed.
- May 17, 2021, 5:01 PM
I’m truly impressed with how hard it is to understand the following headline: “First White Magic Keyboard for iPad Pro Unboxing Surfaces Online.”
There are six potential nouns in there, and the actual subject is a gerund. Plus it’s all in title case, so capitalization will not help you.
- May 16, 2021, 2:02 AM(13 mentions)
Gwen [reading aloud]: qwertyuiop
Me: you know, that keyboard layout is ca—
Gwen: this keyboard was invented 140 years ago and was designed to reduce typewriter jams. Let me draw for you what a jammed key looks like
Me:
- May 11, 2021, 9:53 PM(14 mentions)
[Gwen is muttering at the table by herself]
Me: are you making up a story
G: no, not exactly. I’m pretending these peanut butter crackers are in a game show where the two with the most peanut butter go to the final round. Also I’m making up ads for the commercial breaks
- May 10, 2021, 1:19 AM(2 mentions)
- May 2, 2021, 7:17 AM(9 mentions)
Gwen: can I make [Evan’s weird inauthentic mi goreng recipe] for lunch for you and me? I memorized it from watching you
Me: uh that would be amazing
[later. the mi goreng is delicious]
G: I should make our lunch every Saturday
Me:
- Apr 30, 2021, 8:42 PM(28 mentions)
- Apr 28, 2021, 8:43 PM(12 mentions)
Looking forward to trying out this “walking around outside” thing I’ve been hearing more and more about.
- Apr 28, 2021, 5:30 AM
- Apr 28, 2021, 5:26 AM(18 mentions)
[kids are with my parents, the conversation turns to racism]
Gwen (3rd grader): racists are assholes
Elspeth (8th grader): Gwen! you aren’t allowed to swear until you’re in 8th grade
G: sorry
E: you can think swears in your head in 5th grade
Grandparents: [shaking] - Apr 26, 2021, 6:48 PM(10 mentions)
As you know, here at evanstoner.com the whole team is passionate about the quality of the reading experience for you, our valued customer.
Starting today, you will no longer see those dangly links in my tweets, and my indieweb crap will just work invisibly.
- Apr 26, 2021, 8:43 AM(20 mentions)
[we are playing D&D for the first time]
Me: ok this magic item was made by the duergar—
Gwen: the duergar?! Those are the grey dwarves! They’re terrible, they were slave traders in the Underdark!
Me:
G: I read through the Player’s Handbook twice - Apr 25, 2021, 9:33 PM(5 mentions)
Gwen never used to want to play D&D, because she’s very upset by even pretend violence.
Then she came up with the idea that monsters don’t get killed, they just “go to a different dimension” and now she says things like “I am going to fry that goblin with a Fire Bolt.”
- Apr 22, 2021, 4:56 PM(3 mentions)
I can’t get through this article because I keep thinking “What kind of monster would ever serve a Manhattan on the rocks.” https://blog.twitter.com/engineering/en_us/topics/infrastructure/2021/adopting-rocksdb-within-manhattan.html
- Apr 12, 2021, 3:54 AM(8 mentions)
- Apr 9, 2021, 5:26 PM(23 mentions)
In challenging times, rituals can sustain us. I urge you to make the time to celebrate this beloved holiday with the traditional foods, dances, and solemn contemplation.
- Apr 1, 2021, 2:05 AM(1 mention)
- Mar 30, 2021, 2:52 AM(7 mentions)
Gwen: sometimes I pretend I’m a person who has the code name Midnight Fire
Elspeth: that’s a really good code name
G: thanks - Mar 26, 2021, 1:03 AM(4 mentions)
- Mar 21, 2021, 3:03 AM(11 mentions)
- Mar 21, 2021, 2:06 AM(11 mentions)
- Mar 15, 2021, 6:34 AM(25 mentions)
I wondered what the last photo I took in Portland was, before the pandemic happened and I quit my Portland job, and it is Appropriate.
- Mar 15, 2021, 5:43 AM(3 mentions)
- Mar 15, 2021, 12:20 AM(38 mentions)
- Mar 14, 2021, 10:04 AM(5 mentions)
It’s the classic story; you try to get them to crack open the Chomsky, but all they want to read is comic books.
- Mar 14, 2021, 8:49 AM(2 mentions)
- Mar 13, 2021, 4:13 AM(1 mention)
Amazon should feel profoundly embarrassed about this. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/03/10/amazon-library-ebook-monopoly/
- Mar 11, 2021, 3:48 AM(7 mentions)
- Mar 11, 2021, 2:26 AM(1 mention)
- Mar 8, 2021, 12:43 AM(1 mention)
It’s important to follow up your strength training sessions with a cool down activity, like assembling furniture for two hours while a kitten tries to bite you.
- Mar 7, 2021, 9:22 PM(1 mention)
- Mar 6, 2021, 2:29 AM(31 mentions)
Gwen: will you play a game with me
Me: I just stopped working and I’m really tired—
G: would you like me to make you some cinnamon toast?
Me: ...YES
- Mar 3, 2021, 7:24 AM(6 mentions)
Parenting challenge, hard mode: the cat has gotten wise and hidden under the child’s bed so you can’t give her her meds. Extract the cat while not waking up the child.
- Feb 21, 2021, 6:15 AM(3 mentions)
- Feb 20, 2021, 5:32 AM(9 mentions)
- Feb 14, 2021, 4:10 AM(4 mentions)
- Feb 10, 2021, 6:10 AM(2 mentions)
- Jan 30, 2021, 7:35 AM(3 mentions)
- Jan 30, 2021, 6:54 AM(15 mentions)
- Jan 23, 2021, 6:06 AM(15 mentions)
- Jan 21, 2021, 4:43 AM(10 mentions)
You haven’t lived until you’ve watched Gwen put on a 45 minute unscripted puppet show about cats evaluating different brands of cat beds, while a crazed kitten repeatedly tries to tear down the stage.
- Jan 20, 2021, 5:01 AM(2 mentions)
- Jan 17, 2021, 4:57 AM
- Jan 17, 2021, 4:32 AM(5 mentions)
- Jan 16, 2021, 4:11 AM(12 mentions)
- Jan 15, 2021, 9:16 AM(2 mentions)
“The Wellerman” is a beautiful, traditional song about a group of dudes spending eternity trying to murder an endangered whale, while some other dude drops by periodically to bring them refreshments.
- Jan 15, 2021, 2:25 AM
Gwen: we talked today in class about how it makes you feel bad when you ask why you have to do something, and somebody says “because I said so”
Me: yeah, that feels bad
Gwen: I was the only one in class who had never been told that before
Me: ❤️😭❤️
- Jan 11, 2021, 4:37 AM(17 mentions)
Gwen: [walks in sobbing]
Me: what’s wrong
G: I saw the Xmas tree on the curb
M:
G: I just took it for granted
M:
G: I wish Cmas didn’t have to end
M:
G: I wish the tree didn’t have to die
M:
G: I hugged it - Jan 9, 2021, 8:56 AM(22 mentions)
I’m sad that @Simple is closing down, but I will always have my Memories of those TRIPS TO PORTLAND Over The Years.
- Jan 9, 2021, 4:34 AM(2 mentions)
- Jan 9, 2021, 1:34 AM(3 mentions)
- Jan 8, 2021, 7:35 AM(12 mentions)
A new year is a great time to adopt new healthy habits! Like, if you’re going to name check George Orwell, maybe go read literally one Goddamned paragraph of the Wikipedia article about him first,
- Jan 7, 2021, 8:59 AM
- Jan 7, 2021, 3:54 AM(7 mentions)
- Jan 7, 2021, 3:17 AM(13 mentions)
- Jan 2, 2021, 4:40 AM(4 mentions)
The kitten likes to take a dump while I’m scooping the litter box, looking up at me like “challenge...accepted.”
- Jan 2, 2021, 4:34 AM
Everyone knows that hindsight is 2020. What this tweet presupposes is: maybe Mad Dog is 2020 instead?
- Jan 1, 2021, 9:40 AM(1 mention)
- Jan 1, 2021, 8:06 AM
- Dec 31, 2020, 6:27 AM
- Dec 30, 2020, 9:09 PM(40 mentions)
I switched from Gmail to Fastmail a few weeks ago, and I’m shocked by how much better it is. My email is actually useful again.
- Dec 29, 2020, 4:22 AM
- Dec 29, 2020, 4:22 AM
- Dec 28, 2020, 8:35 AM(1 mention)
- Dec 28, 2020, 8:20 AM
- Dec 28, 2020, 8:06 AM
Testing in production is always the best policy. Plus it bores your friends, who probably have been too excited lately. It’s good for them.
- Dec 28, 2020, 7:21 AM
- Dec 28, 2020, 3:17 AM
- Dec 28, 2020, 12:42 AM(5 mentions)
- Jul 18, 2019, 12:08 AM
- Jul 3, 2019, 4:25 AM
Welcome to 2019, where “pre-movie erotic ASMR low-carb beer commercial” is a phrase that describes a real thing.
- Jul 1, 2019, 1:05 AM
- Jun 15, 2019, 2:08 AM
- Jun 14, 2019, 3:53 AM
That feeling when you have to explain both “codpieces” and “Jack Chick tracts” to your kid during a single bedtime.
- Jun 1, 2019, 12:23 AM
- May 30, 2019, 4:13 AM
- May 27, 2019, 12:28 AM
- Dec 2, 2018, 12:42 AM
I can confirm that I am queen of teen internet. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/28/style/the-best-astrological-sign-of-all.html
- Nov 2, 2018, 1:43 AM
- Nov 1, 2018, 7:12 PM
- Oct 31, 2018, 2:27 AM
- Oct 27, 2018, 10:50 PM
There is a dude on this bus wearing Timbos with gaiters, and an eyepatch, and it is, word to God, the coolest thing I have ever seen.
- Oct 27, 2018, 10:48 PM
- Oct 21, 2018, 7:42 PM
- Oct 21, 2018, 2:46 AM
- Oct 21, 2018, 2:46 AM
- Oct 19, 2018, 2:25 AM
Gwen: "Maybe I can get Malala Yousafzai to join my Kindness Club! She changed the world, she would probably have all kinds of good tips!"
- Oct 16, 2018, 11:19 PM
- Oct 13, 2018, 5:13 PM
- Oct 10, 2018, 4:10 PM
"All he ever wanted was a glass of grappa." https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/delawareonline/obituary.aspx?n=rick-stein&pid=190409566
- Oct 10, 2018, 12:48 AM
Gwen: "Don't call me bossy!! I prefer 'strong-minded.' Because my mom is strong-minded, and so is my sister."
- Oct 9, 2018, 1:49 AM
- Aug 1, 2018, 9:36 PM
- Jul 28, 2018, 6:39 PM
I'm reading an old Jack Kirby comic, and there's a dude whose super power is his "Stone Hand," by which I mean he's a guy holding a brick.
- Jul 26, 2018, 1:37 AM
- Jul 26, 2018, 1:31 AM
- Jul 26, 2018, 1:20 AM
Just read one article about bartenders using vodka for the "texture" and another about bartenders using stevia and I'm in a mood to get into a fistfight.
- Jul 20, 2018, 2:47 AM
